She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
