dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
