After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
