some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
