so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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