$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
