he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
