well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
