he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
