I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
