well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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