i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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