I wish my penis had an off switch
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
