i just made my gag reflex go away.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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