Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize