Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
