Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
