We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's blow job season.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
