This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
40s are totally the cure
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm really busy with my period
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