I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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