idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
