you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
