i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
