I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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