I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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