forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
