I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
