I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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