can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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