The maid of honor just puked.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
