I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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