The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
