It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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