got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
