oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
