a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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