you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
