There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
