I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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