and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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