you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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