Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
