Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
