Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
