walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
