I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
