my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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