...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
