I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
