if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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