I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
