she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
