I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
