I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
