What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
