Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
