she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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