Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
