My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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