sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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