Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
