dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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