it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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