Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
