No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize