Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
