Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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