OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
