I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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