Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
