Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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