I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
