We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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