I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
