hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
